VanityTrove Cosmopolitan Play Set

By now you people should be familiar with VanityTrove right… I mean like, I’ve had like six posts on them in my blog already! But incase you’re new here, VanityTrove is the new Facebook. Their site is a forever updating newsfeed of beauty and fashion news from the whos-who from all over the world. A quick scroll gives you ideas on your next manicure or a beauty swatch or a peek into someone’s OOTD. They’re also Singapore’s premier beauty sampling service which delivers beauty goodies to your doorstep at an extremely affordable cost. And they also have an app for those times you’re bored or stuck somewhere. Is there something that VanityTrove doesn’t have?

For the regulars who already know about VanityTrove – did you know that there are special Troves as well? Not just the regular pick-seven-and-receive-it but super good value packed to the max themed/branded Troves. I got my greedy little paws on one:

The Cosmopolitan Play Set – designed for romance! Lucky I fast hand fast leg cos this Trove has sold out but read on to see what other special Troves there are up for sale, with special coupon codes just for you! (By the way, my name is not Xinru. I had to quickly take a picture at my girl’s desk because my colleagues were raring to unbox this (I quote) “very pretty box”. Might have something to do with my receptionist wanting to know why this Trove is extra heavy!)

I don’t know how the packers stuff this many things into the Trove cos I couldn’t repack it after all the girls had their fun with the items. It was literally bursting full can. If VanityTrove didn’t have good quality boxes, it would have split. Heh, there were many blushing faces around after the contents were unveiled too. Oops, did I forget to tell them that this was made with horizontal tango in mind? But seriously, nobody believed that this Trove could be purchased at only $35. In their words – “where got so ‘wu hua’ thing one!?”.

Wu hua – a Hokkien term in the Singlish that means got value when directly translated. It’s used in a too good to be true context.

Erm.. before I start, I have something embarrassing to confess. Although there’s already a shitload of getting sexy goodies in my picture above, there’s one item that’s actually missing.

There was also a very sensual g-string from Impression in there with furry bits over the part that’s supposed to cover your furry bits. What happened was that I laid out my Trove contents on the floor all ready to take a picture, then went out of my room to get my camera and when I got back, the thong went MIA. Believe it or not..

My dog stole it.

He has an unnatural fondness for furry stuff and swiped it while I wasn’t looking and very cunningly hid under the bed where I couldn’t reach him. By the time I salvaged the lingerie, it was chewed up beyond recognition. *Sigh*, I really liked that thong 😦

Ok back to the program. I’ve split up the thoughtful goodies into sections so you know how to get ready for some hot and heavy. I’m also in a very lame mood from the marketing campaigns I churned out today so I’m putting in my version of how to use these  things.

Orgasms might help skin glow but you’re not getting there without some seduction preparation first right?

  • Lovemore Thermal Water Brightening Mask (Full size)
  • Lovemore Glacier Water Soothing Mask (Full size)
  • Sasatinnie Black Pearl Caviar Nourishing Black Mask (Full size)
  • Sasatinnie Black Pearl Caviar Nourishing Black Eye Mask (Full size)
  • GoodSkinLabs Facial Firming Serum (5ml)
  • Dr.Ci:Labo VC100 Pore White Lotion (28ml)

Before your date, prep your skin with Thermal Water Brightening Mask so you look all glowy and appealing and close up those pores with VC100 so the only holes… nevermind. That was going to become a crude joke. Same goes for the Firming Serum, you might have to indulge in some jaw stretching oral exercises so.. Okay. I am a pervert. I shall try to stop. Be more discreet.

Anyway, the Soothing Mask is for directly after your loving since some ladies get all flushed up. Save the Nourishing Mask and Eye Mask for the morning after. You’re probably not gonna get much sleep.

Made a photography error here (cos I was still trying to get the bloody g-string back!) so please discount the two products already mentioned above. This one’s for your body.

  • Decleor Aromessence Sculpt Firming Body Serum (5ml)
  • Phyto Repairing Shampoo (50ml)

Saggy anything on anybody’s body is a no-no. I can’t be the only one who thinks that dangly male bits are ugly right? So yeah, firm up those boobies and cheat sheet your way into firmer thighs and a curvier waist. Plus, the Firming Body Serum has energizing properties so your skin is gonna be all tingly and sensitive! Stinky hair is also a huge turn off and this Repairing Shampoo targets weakened and damaged hair so your man can get a good grip on you when he needs to. Think about when he might need to guide your head for the uninitiated. Or maybe a little extra spice as he holds on to you from the back…

If I need to explain personal hygiene, you shouldn’t be having sex with a real live person.

  • Vagisil Feminine Cleansing Wipes (5 pieces)
  • Vagisil Feminine Wash (60ml)

Let’s face it – us girls have discharge. And nothing that has been enclosed in a hot moist place for hours will smell good. Do a quick toilet run before heading back to his place (or a nice hotel, you lucky bitch!) and clean up a little with Feminine Wash and towel dry with the Cleansing Wipes. Who knows, your man might have exotic tastes of the fishy variety. The cleansing wipes are gonna come in handy for after your lovin’ too!

On to the war paint.

  • Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara (Full size)
  • Blumarine Innamorata Lovely Rose Eau De Toilette (7ml)
  • Cyber Colors Nail Polish in Hot Scarlet (Full size)

Heavy on the eyes since you already have radiant skin from all that masking and have no need for excessive foundation.. I doubt this mascara can be better than sex anyway. If you discover later in the night that it actually is, DO NOT CALL HIM AGAIN.  A couple of well placed droplets of Eau De Toilette to drive his olfactory senses wild and an elegantly manicured hand is just gonna make him imagine all the places you could be touching him. Rawr.

Accessories complete everything.

  • Impression G-String.. that has been eaten, in a bad way (Full size)
  • Durex Play Sweet Strawberry Lubricant (100ml)
  • Impression Nippless Nipple Stickers (Full size)
  • Impression Low Back Converter Strap (Full size)
  • Impression Eye Mask (Full size)

Modern women know what they want and how they want it so no acting all shy conservative virgin please! Depending on how wild your fashion sense is, take your pick from a completely backless dress or a low back one. I’ll personally pick braless or low back if it’s gonna be your first time between the sheets with the dude – I think it’ll be odd to peel off two beige stickers for your first let’s get naked session! But a converter strap might just confound him and make the anticipation so much sweeter. And speaking of sweet, make a dessert out of each other! Blindfold one of you and make like a sandwich. Eating is very, very involved for this dish.

# end very not quite M16 post #

It’s been a long time since I’ve written an article this way so that was fun for me. And if you follow the steps, you’re gonna have more fun than I did. Unfortunately this VanityTrove Cosmo Play Set has completely sold out but you can still get the other exclusive Troves that are now available.

Left to right (click for Trove contents):

Getting any of these Troves is definitely a steal. Just look at mine, the contents that came with it waaaaaay surpassed the $35 price tag.

If you’re not into these specially selected Troves, you could choose your own goodies or have a surprise Trove at a very affordable $25, inclusive of delivery. Remember to register for an account on VanityTrove to be updated on beauty news from around the world from like-minded people!

And now to plan how to utilize my Trove and the steps I’ve written.. it’s gonna come in handy for my 30th birthday celebration next week. Since I’m reaching a milestone, might as well make it unforgettable. Mr BF, I expect a better present now that you know that you’re getting laid.

PS: Always, ALWAYS use protection unless you’re in a marriage and are trying to conceive. Having accidental babies is one thing but sexually transmitted diseases are a whole new ball game. Respect and protect yourselves ladies!

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